As I write this, the world waits with bated breath for news of the royal baby. Boy or girl? What will they name it? All important topics, of course, but the real question is–with this infusion of commoner blood, will the royals’ Reptoid secret finally be revealed?
For our readers who’ve been duped along with the rest of the world, perhaps it will be news that the royal family of England is, in fact, made up of reptilian-human hybrids or Reptoids. Indeed, many powerful families, from royalty to Rothschilds to the Bush clan have been hiding a Reptoid heritage.
But Why Should Reptoids Matter to Me?
The old custom of intermarriage among nobles has preserved many a powerful Reptoid interest, but what does this mean in the 21st century? There is some debate over whether or not Prince Charles’s first wife, Princess Diana was a Reptoid. Christine Fitzgerald, a confidant of the Princess’s, has come forward with the horrifying revelations about the Royal family’s true nature that Diana confided to her before her death. Whether that’s the case or Ms. Fitzgerald invented this story to keep her friend free from such post-mortem accusations, the Reptoid blood has clearly bred true in both William and Harry. But will it hold for another generation? Is Charles’s Reptoid contribution to outweigh Catherine’s presumably-human genetics?
For gaming purposes, it could go either way. Above and beyond the normal conspiratorial fun to be had from Reptoid Royals, the royal baby opens some new possibilities.
If the royal baby cannot conceal its Reptoid form, what might this mean for your gamers? Might your investigators be on a search for THE TRUTH™? If so, perhaps burgling Buckingham is in order.
You might have been hired by a distraught Queen to prevent the news from getting out. Are you blocking burglars? Planting false evidence? Swapping out the baby? Are THEY swapping out the baby for a Rothschild one because it didn’t come out as a Reptoid?
What if we take a “Study in Emerald” (haven’t read it? Save that PDF and read it!) approach and this reptilian nature is a bit more Lovecraftian. What might this new royal mean to your Call of Cthulhu/Delta Green/Trail of Cthulhu/etc. game? Do you want to sacrifice it to open a portal? Do you need to save it from a cult?
If you’re running World of Darkness, maybe it’s time to break the cycle of Reptoids. Kidnap it, kill it. Shoot, take on the whole royal family if you feel up to it! Maybe you’re trying to stop it from being born at all.
Or, perhaps this baby has been retrieved by a band of hungry kobolds—as only a royal baby is good enough for a royal kobold’s dinner. But…BLECH! What will King Torg (ALL HAIL KING TORG!) do when the baby turns out not to be delicious human after all? (Do Reptoid babies still taste like chicken? – Ed.)
Whatever you do, beware Prince William in his Reptilian form.
(To any concerned parties: This post has been written entirely from a role-playing gamer perspective and we wish a smooth delivery to the Duchess of Cambridge and a healthy, happy life for the newest member of the royal family.) (Unless they actually are Reptoids. – Ed.)