Random Table Tuesday: What’s in That Thug’s Pocket?

Random Table Tuesday: What’s in That Thug’s Pocket?

Jul 24

Random tables are why I fell in love with RPGs. My first experiences with D&D were pretty okay… until the DM got out the random treasure table and started rolling up loot. From that moment, I’ve been Mrs. Batty O’Bonkers over RPGs… so, what better way to share my love than writing up some random tables of my own?

So, with that in mind: Welcome to a new feature at The Illuminerdy: Random Table Tuesday. From here on out, you can check in on Tuesdays to find a new random table, featuring everything from D&D set dressing to breaking news for your not-so-distant future supers games. Get your d20s ready and prepare to add some random awesomeness to your game!

Let’s say your party beats up a dude in the back ally of a mid-sized town. As they clear the scene, the rogue pats down the guy and the fighter leans over and says, “Hey! What’s in that thug’s pocket?” Roll a d20:

1. A dogeared copy of Eighteen Practical Ways to Pick a Pocket.
2. A silver chain with a broken clasp.
3. Thrice-folded sheet of paper with incomplete punchlines to six knock-knock jokes.
4. Nine small stones, each a slightly different shade of blue.
5. Directions to the Bursting Berry Bakery on the other side of town.
6. A single card from the Deck of Many Things: the Comet.
7. Three gold coins… dated seven years in the future.
8. A flask full of viscous, purple liquid.
9. A small scrap of paper, upon which is written, “Do you like me? YES or NO?”
10. The holy symbol of a (supposedly) fictional deity.
11. Several pieces to a jigsaw puzzle.
12. A monocle.
13. A thin book entitled, The Intrepid Travels of a Wholly Unqualified Cleric Across Many Oceans to Defeat the Slumbering Dragon: The Expurgated Edition.
14. A simple note that reads: Don’t forget the milk!
15. Three small keys labeled “This one,” “That one,” and “The other one.”
16. A brand new, but tragically empty, wallet.
17. An arrest warrant for the town constable’s daughter.
18. Three pairs of identical earrings.
19. A wooden box containing a sewing kit, a harmonica, and a set of dice.
20. A red envelop that reads, “FOR RECIPIENT’S EYES ONLY. DELIVER TO 2323 SCION’S CIRCLE IMMEDIATELY.”